August 26, 2004
A New Term
Attention: The following post contains applications of biology, mathematics and computer science and it's not suitable for the general audience. Viewer Discrection is Strongly Advised !
[18+]
There are some algorithms known as "genetic" algorithms because the idea behind them is comming from genetics, hence the name. Genes interact with each other (parents) to create another gene (child) that usually has the "good" characteristics of the parents and does not have the "weak" characterstics. Although there are always counter-examples, like some kids who are a lot more stupid than their parents (i.e. my high school principal. although in this case he was a counter-example of intelligence in its minimality and a good study case to see how/why would someone become this dumb), but let's just have some mercy on these exceptional talents for now.
Now genetic algorithms in computer science/math are mostly used in optimization problems, where you are (well, maybe not exactly YOU) interested in finding something that maximizes/minimizes a characteristic (i.e finding a specific kind of graph with maximum number of edges). So you (again, maybe not YOU) basically take two instances (parents) and kind of mix them together and create a child. Now if the child is "good" (meaning it has better characteristics than one of the parents), you keep it, otherwise, you burn it and throw its ashes into the closest river at night (meaning you throw it away). Now you repeat the process with the new creations, until you get a creation with acceptable charactersitics.
Now sometimes when you do that, you can't get new instances with better characteristics. So what you do, is that you throw in some weird new instances into the population and let them interact with the old ones, in the hope of having some kind of a mutation and getting better results (this is what the US government does by accepting people by lottery or what Canada is doing in a greater extent by getting all the "good" people from different countries and letting them "interact" (i.e have lots of sex) with each other to create better creations. That's exactly why half-breeded people or people with parents comming from multiple ethnicities turn out to be so hot from time to time (i.e a friend of mine)).
So far we had concepts of "parent", "child", "good child" and "bad child".
Having said all this long history, I propose the following terms to be used in papers/scientific conversations throughout the world:
1. "Bitch": an instance that interacts with all the other instances and doesn't get ommited for some generations (because it creates worse children than itself). A "bitch" can be a "male" or "female" (1).
2. "SOB" or "Son Of a Bitch": self-explanatory with respect to the previous term
3. "Bastard": a child resulting from the interaction of the "new" instances we threw in, with some "old" instance that already had a partner (i.e had created a child before).
4. "Whore House": it's a street word for "population", specially when the algorithm you're designing doesn't work, you'll say "what the f*** is goin on in this whore house" (to avoid any kind of confusion, make sure your prof's wife is not around though).
5. "Pervert": an instance who interacts with one of its parents
6. "Motherfucker": a male (1) "pervert" who the instance he interacts with, is believed to be his mother (1)
(1) I'm not sure if these terms are already defined or not. For the sake of this posting, we assume they are.
Future Extentions: I prefer to keep this part as a secret or the readers might think I'm a corrupted human being, although any suggestions by the readers will be accepted.
Now Beware ! As the whole thing shows, all computer scientists who use genetic algorithms, are atheists/agnostics in their subconscious minds, and from the point of view of religion, they will definitely go to hell. I strongly think that these algorithms should be banned and forbidden by the well-respected religious leaders throughout the world and anybody who dares to use them, should be sentenced to 174 years in prison without any water/food/sleep.
Posted by masoud at 06:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 24, 2004
Pulp Fiction revisited
Revisited Take one:
Jules SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing
the only barrier between himself and Brett. Brett now sits in
a lone chair before Jules like a political prisoner in front
of an interrogator.
JULES
What country you from!
BRETT (petrified)
What?
JULES
"What" ain't no country I know! Do they speak English in "What?"
BRETT (near heart attack)
What?
JULES
English-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it?
BRETT
Yes.
JULES
Then you understand what I'm sayin'?
BRETT
Yes.
JULES
Now describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
BRETT (out of fear)
What?
Jules takes his .45 and PRESSES the barrel HARD in Brett's cheek.
JULES
Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time!
Brett is regressing on the spot.
JULES
Now describe to me what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett does his best.
BRETT
Well he's ...he's...black --
JULES
-- go on!
BRETT
...and he's...he's...tall --
JULES
-- does he look like a bitch?!
BRETT (without thinking)
What?
Jules' eyes go to Vincent, Vincent smirks, Jules rolls his
eyes and SHOOT Brett in the shoulder.
Brett SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the chair.
JULES
Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
BRETT (in agony)
No.
JULES
Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a bitch?!
BRETT (in spasm)
I didn't.
Now in a lower voice.
JULES
Yes ya did Brett. Ya tried ta fuck 'im. And Remember, nobody fucks Mr Wallace, but his wife. You ever read the Bible, Brett?
BRETT (in spasm)
Yes.
JULES
There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
The two men EMPTY their guns at the same time on the sitting Brett.
------------------------------------------
Revisited Take two:
After Mia overdosing and Vincet taking her to Lance's house and giving her the adrenaline shot:
LANCE
If you're okay, say something.
Mia, still breathing, not looking up at them, says in a relatively normal voice.
MIA
Something.
---------------------------------------
Revisited Take three:
After Butch goes rescues himself and returns back to rescue Marcellus Wallace who's being raped by some guy:
Marsellus, looking down at his whimpering rapist, EJECTS the used shotgun shell.
Butch lowers the sword and hangs back. Not a word, until:
BUTCH
You okay?
MARSELLUS
Naw man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay!
Posted by masoud at 06:17 PM | Comments (2)
August 21, 2004
Poker God is on tilt
Why ?
Posted by masoud at 09:53 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2004
How to cook fish
Despite all the recipes suggested by all these "pro" chefs, I just found out that the best way to cook fish, is in the microwave. The reason for that is simple once you hear it (so read it aloud so that you can hear yourself): All the fishes have evolved through time in such a way that their flesh will be best cooked in the microwave. That's only because our ancestors have been using microwave from thousands of years ago to cook fish and fishes have naturally evolved to best fit this process.
Now someone might say: "that can't be true. because once you cook a fish, it can't make kids anymore, so their evolved genes would not transfer through generations and even if the fish want to best fit human's process of cooking, they can't. therefore you suck with your stupid theory". First I'd like to say "YOU suck". Dude ! the answer to your question is so easy ! It's all about the spirit not genes. Eventhough the fish are dead and cooked and can't "make kids", their spirit is transfered through generations and their tendency to be cooked best in the microwave to fit human's need, is transferred as well, and since everybody knows that the spirit changes the body, this evolved spirit will change fish flesh in such a way that it will be cooked best in the microwave. Well, if you don't believe me, you'll go to hell for sure. So from now on, cook fish ONLY in the microwave.
Posted by masoud at 10:14 PM | Comments (1)
August 17, 2004
Welcome !
Thanx to Shervin, my good friend, this site is born right now! Make a note in your notebooks and 30 years from now, tell it to your grand children. 3000 years from now, when the moon is in line with Mars, aliens from galaxies far far away will celebrate this day for its gigantic influence on mankind and parents will remember this day before they remember their children's birthday. Be Tuned for the upcomming revelations....
p.s I will reserve the right to change any of my postings any time I want without even making a note of it for the public. For example I just changed this one 2 months after its birth !
Posted by masoud at 06:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack