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October 29, 2004
WUWH 2
I feel like posting the Wish You Were Here again, but then I've already done it, so....
One of the biggest wishes anyone should have, is to be able to see him/herself as others see, then s/he would've done so many things that s/he wouldn't have done otherwise and vice versa.
It seems like I never learn from past experiences when it comes to some people....I just had to say it !
One of my friends wants to write a book titled "What guys know about girls". He is a pro in this field, nevertheless his prediction is that the book will be about 100 to 900 of blank pages. Let's all wish him good luck to find a publisher for this best-selling book. Here's 2 pictures you've all seen already just out of respect in support of his true belief:
Here's what I heard today: I know it's hard for BC residents to believe, but in some parts of Canada, coke is more available than weed. In those parts, there are hot-lines you can call and order coke and they will deliver it for you by cab !
Wish you all a happy day/night, after being stood up/screwed up by a few today, I personally am perfectly ready to end today....I need another dose of "The Ski Bum" once again....
Posted by masoud at 11:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 28, 2004
Philosophy of Life 1: God & Devil
This is my friend's friend's philosophy of life:
Once upon a time there was a God and a devil [don't ask me why there was a devil] and some angles and many good humans and the world was a beautiful place. The devil would go down to earth from time to time and would disguise himself and would commit unorthodox actions and they would catch him and take him to court [don't ask me why there was a need for a court when everyone was good except for the devil. I mean people make courts when there's enough crime there already], but everytime, he would hypnotize the judge and the judge would set him free.
One time the judge turned out to be blind and so the devil couldn't hypnotize him and so the poor devil was sentenced to be in prison for life [that's quite a weak devil by the way and I think he deserved to go to prison. I mean if you're a good devil you should have back-up plans for when your original plans don't work]. Now the devil fans up in the sky, decided to free him up, so did some of the good angles who were tired of all the goodness in the world [again don't ask me why angles who should be good in nature wanted the world to have bad things in it]. So they came down to earth ["down" depends on how you look at the whole thing. If people in one sphere thought the fans came "down" to earth, the people in the other sphere would think they came "up" to earth. If you don't like this confusion, blame Einstein for introducing all this "relativity" crap] and made the walls of the prison disappear, but the devil refused to go free because he thought now that he was sentenced by humans he should respect the judge's decision [don't ask me why a "devil" should think like that] and stay in prison forever [if you ask me, I say the devil didn't give a damn about the judge's decision. He probably could do all kinds of sins in the prison without being caught, so he figured prison's cool. Besides he didn't have to spend so much time and money going all the way from who-knows-which-sky down to earth, I think the gas price was quite high at that time too].
Anyways, to make the story short, those devil fans and angles spread around in the world and started to have lots of unprotected sex and make kids and now we, are actually the decendants of those devils and angles who are living together....That explains many things. Trust me.
Well, to be honest, this story has quite a few nasty holes, never to be filled up by anything, but it's a good story to tell your kids, if they're dumb enough. On the other hand, if your kids are like me, they wouldn't believe you and if they do, when the grow up, they would remember this and would question you and would think either you'd been quite dumb to have told them this story or that you hadn't been a good parent by lying to them.
So overall I don't really know what to say. It very much depends on your kid type. I leave it up to you. I'm just acting as a neutral person [although I'm not really neutral. Trust me. I have affiants]. I think the best way would be to change the story and make it more acceptable or just tell them the story of 3 pigs and the wolf instead. At least it has some pigs in it....
Posted by masoud at 03:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 27, 2004
Forbidden
How can one write about something that can neither be written nor be told ?
Posted by masoud at 12:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 23, 2004
One day and a few happenings....
Today all of a sudden it started hailing (the phrase "all of a sudden" is meaningless when used to describe the weather in Vancouver. "All of a sudden" implies that something unexpected happened, but the anarchism of the Weather God has resulted in Vancouver's weather changing every 2 seconds. Therefore a sudden change is not unexpected (and that's why people wear short sleeves and take an umbrella with them at the same time) and therefore the use of "all of a sudden" is irrelevant. I'm just using it so that others have a better understanding of how hail started today). After a very short while, it seemed like it had snowed. Long live anything white.
Can you see my camera in the middle of the pic ? [1]
Can you see my camera in the middle of the pic NOT ? [2]
Then I went to a Ney (Dr Hossein Omoomi), Tar (Amir Koushkani), Tonbak & Daf (Zia Tabasian) concert. As always I took a few pics and Dr Omoomi was pissed at me, because of the camera flash. Well, now he wants me to send him the pictures ;) [4]
There was this guy who was called "doctor" and was videotaping the whole concert. He was the most artistically tasteless guy ever. Seeing how he was filming the concert totally distracted me. I had to change my seat in the second half.
And I saw a woman wearing a 300,000$ necklace which she doesn't like much.
Before the concert during sound check.
Two of the most beautiful Tars made by Ostad Pooriya. The top one is a killer.
Amir Koushkani.
Dr Omoomi joking...
Playing Saaghinaameh in Homaayoon.
Playing Masnavi in Shoor.
And....
The other things that happened today are to be kept as a mystery....
[1] Yes means you have good eyes. No means you're blind. [3]
[2] Yes means you're on drugs and hallucinating. No means you might be blind or not (The reason why some of you don't see my camera in the middle of this pic, is mostly because my camera is NOT there). [3]
[3] Answer these questions once in a while and you don't need to go to an eye doctor, psychiatrist or prison for that matter.
[4] Moral of the story: Be nice to the camera man. The same applies to poets....or other people....Being nice is very nice in general. What I just said is nice too (i.e that being nice is nice itself). You know I can go on forever. I'm very talented in babbling, rambling or other verbs used to describe this gift.
Posted by masoud at 11:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 22, 2004
...and thus spoke Nobody...
Being able to play an instrument is like having a friend who whenever you want, can talk to you in the exact way you want. No other friend can be like that.
Someone will hopefully understand the elegance of this. From the capitalization, sarcasm, irony and beauty to its compactness and comprehensiveness; from the "..." of the title to the end of ".".
Posted by masoud at 03:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 20, 2004
Music and Genetics
DNAs can be looked at as very long sequences of characters that encode all the characteristics that living creatures (as opposed to dead creatures like my cellphone) have. People do studies on them to find drugs (like LSD), find which portions corresponde to what (e.g find which part of DNA has made my friend so short or has made his tongue so long that he can lick his feet while standing straight and later on change it to either make his son a basketball blocker or make his son's tongue short enough so that he won't trip for running over his tongue. Well, that might take science quite a while to figure out), etc.
Now some people are using DNA to make music. They do a study of the type of characters being used in a specific DNA and map them to notes based on whatever criteria they like and make music. DNAs are double strands of characters, so you can actually make a harmonic piece of music with one strand being the melody and the other accompanying it.
So in the near future, when your friend asks you what type of music you like, you say "Mammal" music or if you wanna be more specific, you say "Chimpanze" music. If someone asks you "What are you listening to ?", you say "Can't you tell ? I'm listening to a virus maan !".
Posted by masoud at 06:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 18, 2004
My New Love ;)
So, I finally got it....Made by Master Pooriya, this baby rocks....Doesn't have a name yet, any suggestions ?
I will post some naked pics of her soon ;)
Posted by masoud at 08:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 17, 2004
Sahm e Sagaan e Shekaari
"Sahm e Sagaan e Shekaari" [1], now I know what it means....Now I understand this way of life. As different as it once was, it feels like skin and flesh now. Will I surrender to this metamorphosis or will I dare to resurrect ? When the man gave the lady a shot to drink, she asked "Is it good ?", the man with a subtle pause and a twinkle in his eyes going deep into the woman's body, murmured back "Time will show". Time will bare naked my soul and will reveal my fears. Be aware....
Even the deepest and darkest veils will not stand time. Time will fail to fail. Patiently, it will pulverize every layer until there is nothing left to obstruct.... That is when time ends, as simply as it once started. Time will die and the truth will stand still deep into the abyss of meaninglessness. Salvation is destined to transience.
[1] A book by Emile Zola
Posted by masoud at 03:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 16, 2004
True Intentions
You and your friend are sitting at a table. You're very hungry. You say "I'm very hungry". There's an apple on the table. You're curious who the apple belongs to, but you don't want to eat it. You ask "Is that apple yours ?". Your friends says "Yaa maan (with a Jamaican accent), go ahead eat it". You say "No thanx, I just wanted to know". Your friend says "Don't be shy maan, you can have it. Seriously". Now, as if being hungry wasn't that big a problem by itself, you've got to also convince your friend that you asked that question JUST to see whom the apple belonged to and you DID NOT (I emphasize DID NOT) have any intention of eating it.
Now suppose you want to ask someone "If I asked you out, would you go out with me ?". You just wanna know the answer. Most probably, you won't ask that person out anyways. You can't ask that question whatsoever, otherwise "khar biyaar o baagheli baar kon" and try to somehow say you didn't mean to ask that person out and you just wanted to know the answer to your question (which in turn is another problem. How on earth [1] would you be able to say this without creating more misunderstandings and probably hurting the other person's feelings, etc.)
[1] Some people think on Mars that's possible. They think weaker gravity is the reason.
Well, how on earth [1] can I prove their point while I'm living on earth ? [2]
[2] Don't you just love this infinite circular loop of "[1]" going back to "[1]" in the middle of itself ?! (If you don't like it, please be a dull and kindly let me know and I will ban you from this site permenantly).[3]
[3] Well, if you've come this far, it means that you have either started reading this posting from the bottom up, or you haven't actually followed the "[1]" signs properly. Otherwise you should've been stuck in an infinite loop until you or your computer dies.
Posted by masoud at 05:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 11, 2004
Anti-IQ Test
Think about a test that measures dumbness. So the higher your score, the dumber you are :) People would actually get tutors and try hard to score lower on this test !!
Actually it's not hard to make such a thing, just have a regular IQ test and make the final score negative and if you like the scores to be always a positive number [1], scale everything up by the highest positive score possible on the normal IQ test.
But, think about a test on which the more questions you answer RIGHT, means the dumber you are !! That's a true Anti-IQ test.
Want some applications ? As an example, for choosing people as some countries' politicians ;) I'll leave the rest as an excercise to the eager reader....
[1] For some reason, some people are quite sensitive about negative numbers. They like positive numbers, but hate negative ones. That's called Numberism (like Racism). It always puzzles me how a simple, innocent negative sign which is all that makes the difference between these numbers, can change love to hatred. There's a famous saying by someone anonymous that says "There's a very thin line between love and hatred". So true.... ;)
Posted by masoud at 09:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 10, 2004
Driving Tip
Here's a driving tip for you (yes YOU !). Something you can't find in Driver's Guides or Driving Schools:
When you're drunk and it's raining, try to drive at legal speed. It helps NOT hitting trees or other cars significantly.
Posted by masoud at 02:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
International Party
Dude ! We had a party over here and there were people from 16 different countries (as opposed to 16 same countries [1]) !!
Argentina, India, Bolivia, Iran, Columbia, Mexico, Norway, Russia, Lithuania, Germany, Monte Negro, Canada, France, Romania, Chile, Poland.
How wicked is that !
[1] Now this brings about a new question: Is it "16 same countries" or "16 same country" ? Note the importance of 16. Had it been 17, the answer would've been trivial of course.
Posted by masoud at 02:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack