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May 26, 2005
Diaries of Nobody: Rana the Crazyhead
The story I told the sharks about Alireza, made them even more sympathetic about my situation in the past and present. I'm teaching the shark kid how to play with the woods in the water, but at the same time I'm tricking him into helping me make a ship for myself (as I always remember the Godfather's advice: "Keep your friends close to you, but keep your enemies closer"). The shark kid has insomnia, so I have to tell him stories at night to keep him busy and the parents won't kill me in the meanwhile. I told the shark kid the biography of Rana the Crazyhead.
Rana was named St. Michelle at first, but as we will see she managed to change her name. She was born in a simple country, but then her parents felt she would grow up to be simple like them, so they moved to France, because they thought France was full of unsimple people and their influence would make her unsimple too (1). Little did they know that France was full of crazy people and their influence on her would be quite dramatic. French people are fans of drama.
After a little while, she managed to develope some severe sexual disorientation and her parents thought the only way to fix it would be to send her back to her simple country. So that's what they did. Little did they know that their simple country had changed and was half way into becomming an unsimple country. When they found that out, a few years had already passed by and so they thought if she was to live in an unsimple country, France would be a much better choice since French language was not only not simple, but even very much unsimple. Obviously her parents had mixed up the words "unsimple" and "screwed up" (3).
Going back and forth from this country to that country, all of them unsimple, made an artist out of her. She started painting stuff that didn't make sense, although she claimed they did. France was full of black people and since she liked the black so much, she changed her name to Rana. She felt that having been in two unsimple countries was not enough and to strengthen her artistic sense, she decided to go to another continent. Canada was the first choice (6).
As soon as she moved to Canada she fell in love with the pot. Under the influence of this new friend, she thought her paintings were getting better and better, but then as we know now, this was just a false impression (2). Paiting was a no-end, so she switched to selling houses instead. This time, success came along like a singing bird in the Amazon jungles (4). But on the way, an african raptor killed and ate the bird, which was in turn hunted by an asian tourist who returned back to Austrailia and lived happily ever after.
Having said all that, it's really hard to continue this story. Instead let's chill out and read a joke (7):
-Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
-So they can hide in cherry trees.
-What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
-A Monkey eating cherries.
Overall, our story has a happy ending. Rana turned out to be a famous artist. She married a tall black dude (5), moved out to Jamaica (5) and bought all the houses over there and became penfriends with the Austrailian hunter.
(1): The assumption is that being simple is not good. Everybody knows that's not right. Being simple is quite useful, since it can make you president twice, although some stupidity on the side would help a lot in this case.
(2): In some literature they call this hallucination or delusion. They use these words on all sorts of English tests.
(3): If you think the word "unsimple" doesn't exist, then you're obviously plain wrong. For a reference of this word being used refer to this reference.
(4): This part is for those people who have been to the Amazon jungles. For the others, there's no point continuing reading, since the rest of the story is based on this sentence. I suggest reading "The cons and pros of Hitchhiking" instead.
(5): You know why she chose "tall" and you know why Jamaica. If you don't, then FINE ! Obviously you don't know how to use information to deduct stuff.
(6): Canada is a continenet in the southern hemisphere close to Iceland and is located between the Adriatic and Caspian rivers.
(7): For some reason some people call these useful facts "jokes".
Posted by masoud at 05:42 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2005
Hypocrites: Questions/Answers
Take 1:
A-How should we deal with a bunch of hypocrites ?
B-Fuck'em all.
A-hhhhhhhhhh ! YOU just said the F word !!! aaaaaaaawwww !
B-Try again, that was not a question.
A-hhhhhhhhhh !? Did you just say the F word ??? aaaaaaaawwww !?
B-What do you think ?
A-"I" am supposed to ask and YOU to answer !
Take 2:
A-What if they're friends pretending to be friends and pretending to be enemies of your enemies but at the same time pretend to be friends of your enemies behind your back and pretend that they're not pretending to be like that ?
B-Isn't that the definition of a hypocrite ?
A-"I" am supposed to ask and YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER !!!!
Take 3:
A-What if you're all surrounded by hypocrites ?
B-Why do you always wanna talk about YOU and instead ask ME ?
A-YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK ! JUST ANSWER !
[The above show was cancelled due to the miscoordination between A and B and the fact that B shot A on a sunny day while they were having icecream together and talking about their future plans. A didn't live to see more hypocrites and B wrote a best-seller titled "How to deal with hypocrites ?". Unfortunately the hypocrites read the book, killed B and found new ways to counter attack B's guidelines and the book became extinct. This is the only place that has mentioned their story. Viewer discretion is advised]
Posted by masoud at 02:44 AM | Comments (0)
May 02, 2005
Conversation Randomation 2
-A: Hello ! How are you ?
-B: Are you a doctor ?
-A: Yes. I have a PhD in philosophy.
-B: OK then, I'm good thank you. How are you ?
-A: Can't complain.
-B: Yeah I know, no one to listen.
-A: Sunny day, are you going to the beach ?
-B: No thanx. But speaking of beach, how's your sister doing ?
-A: She's fine. She has no problems in life and that's her big problem.
-B: How can one have no problems and still have a problem ?
-A: Hmm....That's a tough one....
-B: Are these ones the same ?
-A: Which ones ?
-B: The two ones we talked about right now....
-A: All I know is that two ones is two, whether they're the same or not.
-B: I think two ones is eleven.
-A: Let's keep our personal tastes to ourselves and speak of other ones.
-B: Ok. Here's a problem for you: How can 7+6-2=13 ?
-A: In base 8. Where's C ? She was supposed to be here 3 hours ago.
-B: Yeah, she's only 5 minutes late. She'll come.
-A: Please be polite.
-B: I will. But if she's late too much, I would like to kill her. Well, I don't really wanna "kill" her, I just don't want her to live anymore. She is a perfect example of an imperfect person. She's perfectly imperfect. In other words she's tadellos unvollständig or perfectamente imperfecto or perfettamente imperfetto whichever you prefer.
-A: You're in love.
Posted by masoud at 08:37 PM | Comments (0)