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November 23, 2005
Diaries of Nobody 4: Elnazina Elnazova
Although I've made a good relationship with the shark kid and therefore the parents, I'm getting tired of dealing with the shark kid since it's [1] quite dumb. To make the shark kid happy, I told "it" the story of Elnazina Elnazova.
Elnazina Elnazova, as is known everywhere by this name now, was born in the Queen Elizabeth II dining room at 11:46am in a happy summer day. Her real name was Elizabeth III, but as a disguise, "they" changed her name first to Elcutie, then to Christina and finally to Elnaz. Since this name didn't really go well with the other names in the society, she was sent to Iran to fit with the others [3]. Nevertheless, she was constantly being supervised and trained under the best supervisions and trainings known to mankind [2].
To train her fully in an official way and at the same time keeping the disguise, she was sent to a special school, specially made for special people. It was there that she learned how to design smilies. As we will see, this was crucial for her future. She also learned how to hold a guitar which later on she used this art to seduce her prays.
After finishing regular studies under hefty disguise, she went back to the motherland to be trained more closely and in more depth. She started working as a Yahoo smiley designer [4] in a computer software company, but that was only a disguise. What she really did was using her trainings to design physical/mental-enhancement [5] drugs for the CIA [6]. But she wasn't very faithful to the secret agency either; she used to "innocently" fill her purse with the powder and would mix Roger Federer's protein shake with the powder and thus make him unbeatable. She would then bet on him in the matches and make a lot of money.
This money was used to achieve a higher goal she was trained for. She secretly made contracts with the dictionary publishers as an editor [7] and would deliberatly misspell words or change meanings of the words in the dictionaries. If you haven't yet figured out why, you must be really dumb. Obviously this was a smartly-planned plan to promote illiteracy through out the world and make it easier for the aliens to attack our planet.
It's quite instructional to see under a sweet and lovely cover, how misleading some people can be ! An illiteracy promoter who was going to run for Miss England 2012 ! Dude ! [10] Anyhow, in the meanwhile, she continued her trainings and learned everything and anything that was to be learnt. But since she was herself using the drugs she had designed (and for that matter, she changed them just for herself and didn't even let CIA know about it), her mental capabilities were millionified [8]. So she started comming up with new stuff on her own.
It needs a few libraries to talk about the details of her new stuff [9], and many of them are just not known to us or beyond our understanding. But to make the story short, it's enough to say that she found a way to become God. Yes. And she was never heard of after that. Maybe she'll return back to run for Miss England 2012, who knows. [11]
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[1]: I don't yet know if it's a "she" or "he". I'm not really interested in finding that out either.
[2]: And to some extent to alien-kind and animal-kind and tree-kind and bacteria-kind and cockroach-kind and one-eyed-three-legged-two-skulled-four-handed-african-but-imported-to-brazil-yellow-ardvark-kind.
[3]: If you think that a little bit smarter thing would probably have been to change her name to something that went with the society, you're dead wrong. For "some" reason "they" liked the El-something name and at the same time any resemblence with the name Elizabeth had proved to be deadly and undisguisable in the past. See ? You WERE dead wrong. The English or British or Snubbies can think of everything you can think of and <-----------------------> this much more.
[4] I told you we will get to this point.
[5] More "physical" as the sources say.
[6] Working for CIA was another misleading undercover cover, since her original employers were the BBC people who were in fact aliens comming from Neptune.
[7] Obviously she had a good resume showing her as a well-known literaturian.
[8] Some experts claim "hexa-billion-gillionified". That's beyond my counting abilities. I don't even know how they measured that. I'm starting to think these experts were actually aliens or just frauds.
[9] That's when I can't think of a word to fully describe this thing. It's not "invention" or "discovery" or "idea", it's a combination of all of these and even more. This is all her fault, cause I can't look it up in the dictionaries either. Even if I do find something, I can't trust it to be correct !
[10] That's referring to the shark kid. I'm not calling you readers "Dude"....unless you're the shark kid, in which case....hmm. I won't tell you now, it's for later.
[11] Whether this is a happy or sad ending is left as an excercise to the interested reader. Hint: This might actually not BE an "ending" and may "BE continued".
Posted by masoud at November 23, 2005 10:32 PM